


Dean's Angst

by lazyturtledestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 13:23:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18011714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazyturtledestiel/pseuds/lazyturtledestiel
Summary: "Youwannadie."There was nothing that brought focus to an issue quite like having the newly minted Death spell it out for you. In that moment everything settled into place in Dean's mind. The deep spiral, the hole out of which it felt like he would never climb, the increased need for alcohol, the ache. That deep ache he had been trying so hard to ignore.Yes. He wanted to die.





	Dean's Angst

"You _wanna_ die."  
  
There was nothing that brought focus to an issue quite like having the newly minted Death spell it out for you. In that moment everything settled into place in Dean's mind. The deep spiral, the hole out of which it felt like he would never climb, the increased need for alcohol, the ache. That deep ache he had been trying so hard to ignore.  
  
Yes. He wanted to die.  
  
And yet Death sent him back, said it wasn't time. Back to the house, surrounded by death and another victim he had been unable to save. The people, the police, the ambulances. He had done this dance so many times.  
Sam was there. Sam. The only thing he had to hold onto in the maelstrom of nothing. "You okay?" Sam asked.  
  
"No Sam. I'm not okay. I'm pretty far from okay." Everything Dean had sacrificed, everyone he had lost. He had pushed through it all, shoved, clawed, and fought his way back time and time again. But now he was tired. So damn tired.  
  
"So now you don't believe anymore?"  
  
"I just need a win." Dean could feel the desperation of those words squeezing his chest. "I just need a damn win." Nothing else. He needed something, anything to go right. He was staring up from the bottom of a pit, straining to see any light at all.  
  
The darkened road spread out in front of him and Sam was asleep in the seat beside him. Dean didn't even know where they were going. Back to the bunker? Did it even matter? The road was the same as it always was. Baby's engine hummed as she sped over the blacktop. She could usually even him out, but right now, not even that was working.  
  
His phone rang and he set it to his ear. "Yeah."  
  
"Hello, Dean." Those words pierced through him, like a gunshot in the darkness. He gripped the phone tighter, his mind struggling to comprehend what he had just heard, the impossibility of it while his heart surged in response.  
  
He focused on that pinprick of light as the road sped beneath Baby's tires. Now he had a destination. The only one that mattered. Dean's mind tried to reason with him. It couldn't be him. It was a trick. A shapeshifter or some other monster. They had burned the body. It couldn't be him.  
  
But his heart hammered in his chest, each beat shoving life through his body along with a single, hypnotic, addictive claim. He's alive. _He's alive._  
  
Baby rolled to a stop, and Dean climbed out of the car in a smooth controlled motion as he caught the sight he thought he would never see again. That trenchcoat.  
  
The figure slowly turned, his brain howling that it was a trick. But beneath the light of the street lamp he could see the hang of his shoulders, the shape of his profile, the rough jaw, and the eyes lifting to his.  
  
"Cas, is that really you?"  
  
It seemed to be, appeared to be in every way he could discern. Dean stepped forward, and saw Cas' body shift toward him. The movement was barely perceptible, but the angel had always been drawn toward Dean, no matter where he was. And it was that tiny movement that proved this was Cas, without a doubt. There was no need to question or to test. "Welcome back, pal." This was his angel.  
  
He pulled Cas into a hug, the joy poured through his body as he clutched the angel tightly and felt him respond in kind. _I love him._ The very idea of it threatened to overwhelm Dean, but his body knew how to respond. He smiled, that small action shoving away the last of the blackness that threatened him. His mind finally coming together with what his heart had been saying.  
  
Cas was alive, and Dean loved him.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Just a short little story that popped out.


End file.
